Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
