Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
