high people should be assigned attendants
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
