It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
