Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
