That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
