I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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