Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
