you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
