yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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