i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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