bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
