i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
