So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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