My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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