It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
