My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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