Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
