Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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