I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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