Nicole vs. Life
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
