A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
