This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
