dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
