we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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