your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
