I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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