I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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