I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
