Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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