I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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