Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
