some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
