The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
