from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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