i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize