we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He passed out mid-signature
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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