Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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