I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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