THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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