The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
