Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
