Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize