I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
