Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
