it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
