it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My bed smells like the plague
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
