I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
