apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize