hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
