I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
