I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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