that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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