Come see our sink grown plant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
