God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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