There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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