You're a womanizer and a bitch.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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