You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
