I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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