Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
