Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
