This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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