You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
