You're a womanizer and a bitch.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
